He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
