Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
