He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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