I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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