There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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