My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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