There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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