Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
