I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
