I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
