; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
