Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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