I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
