I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
