we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
