sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
