Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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