I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
