Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
