P.S. I can't hear my feet
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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