Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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