I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
