Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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