i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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