Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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