Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
