Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
