I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
