Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
