So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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