Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
