I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
