1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hippo gnu deer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
