I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
