Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
