Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
