Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
