this beer tastes like vomit already
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
