i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
