careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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