So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
