The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
