i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i have two assholes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
