Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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