i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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