pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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