How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
