just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
