Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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