Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
