I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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