You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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