He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
