Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
