Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The air was thick with penises
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
