You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
