Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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