Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
