That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
