You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
