And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
