he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
