So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
