If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
