You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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