I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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