Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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