And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
