i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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