im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
