I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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